I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
