I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
