I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
