hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
