U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
