when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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