Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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