i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
