Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
