I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
