I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
