Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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