WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
