Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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