I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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