i love accidental penises.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A bitchslap is in order.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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