I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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