Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
