you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
