benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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