Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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