last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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