Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Less talking, more tequila
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
