I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
