Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
