Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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