Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
