I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
