i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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