Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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