I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My cat gives me a boner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
