He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
