Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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