she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
