Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
