dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
barbara walters just said penis...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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