If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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