the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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