Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
