i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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