You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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