Apparently you make a good broom.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
