Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A+ Viking dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
