My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
