I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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