i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
