I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
