the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
