Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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