i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
