i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
