Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
