what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
