So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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