I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize