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Yo dont text me then not text me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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