Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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