so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
