Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am one with the molecules
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize