You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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