We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
