Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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