you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
