and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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