i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
